~KillerXtreme

Every time I come onto DeviantArt (which might I add I don't know why I do since I haven't submitted anything in ages.) All I see in my Messages are people writing endless Journals, sometimes even 3 a day. Whats with that? Has the entire DeviantArt community gone Journal crazy? Then again by writing this Journal I guess I would be doing the exact thing I'm complaining about. So tell me world, (or people that will see my journal) Why do you write your journals?

Heh. So im sitting here minding my own buisness playing World Of Warcraft. Then my mother and brother come into the house saying "Guess What?" Im like wahh? Leave me alone im playing WoW. Then they are like we got a puppy.. Im first like WTF!!! Then they walked around the corner with the puppy and im like... =o SOOOOOO CUTE!!!!

I guess supposidly It only gets to 4Pounds as an adult. Its also only 8 Weeks old? Yea.. xD When I get some decent pictures of it ill post but till then I have Webcam pictures so barewith me.. Just check my recent photos they should be there if not right away they will be soon. ZOMG PUPPY!!! He follows me everywere.. xD And Brittany (my older much larger dog as seen in Picture3 when I post) Is like afraid of him keeps running away when he tries to go play.. xD

Im back... Woopty doo!.. Tho im very confused at the moment.. Im trying to get back into art.. Tho I cant think of anything to do.. And when I do, and try it I fail miserbly and giveup somewere halfway.. Tho I do have 1 project goin on in 3dmax.. Having a lil trouble with it because I kinda forgot how to use 3dmax.. =\ Still trying tho.. Working a lil bit in PS as well trying to remember what to do in there as well.. xD slowly getting back there.. But ive been gaming lately.. In fact alot of gaming.. No.. Noo.. To much gaming.. Someone come snatch me away from my games and load me up with a pencil and notepad and send me on my way.. And thret me to draw till I cant draw no more or your going to burn all my games... Tho that wouldent be funny.. Thats like over $6000 worth in games and equipment.. Or at least thats what the added amount of it would be at what the price of the games at the time were.. Now ide probably get 1000 for them all.. xD Still Pathetic.. Anywho.. Im trying differant things going back and forth, does in-game screenshots count as my own? But Ill post anything I get completed.. Or would you like pre-veiws? Dunno you tell me..

"It doesnt matter what I try to do in life it all ends the same..."

Well today.. Seprember 5th, 2005 Would have been a 1 month relationship.. Would have been my first and only 1 month relationship.. May I remind you I said Would have been.. I feel like shit.. I know im a failure and I cant succeed in anything.. In life I am no one.. Everything I have every tryed to become I cant.. I cant succeed in a relationship I cant even fucking spell succeed right.. I flunked outa school.. Yes thats right for all you at school that know me and wondered were the hell I am.. Im a fucking drop out.. I have nothing in life.. The only thing I have to wake up for every morning is my Video games.. If it werent for that.. I wouldent mind not waking up..

To my family I am a joke.. to them its better if I wasnt there.. there isnt an instance were I cant go to a family get together and I am the fucking joke threw out the whole time.. for example.. Last weekend I went to my aunts and they were talking about my cuzin going to Pre-School.. And then they were like they cant move since he will be going to pre-school soon.. Then someone else said.. "Oooh thats alright he can just be a Pre-School Drop Out.. Hahahaha"

Not even my own fucking godmother cant go one day of seeing me without making a joke about me.. And its not even in the Loving Joking matter.. It hurt.. I know im a fucking failure and im reminded it every day.. Oooh dont worry I got my mother to be telling me that.. And then my brother is always there to make sure I feel like shit as well.. Someone end this... I need to find someone.. Someone that will always be for me.. threw rough times.. Threw sad times.. threw depressing times.. because god knows not a day goes by im not depressed.. Anyone? Plz.. or am I just alone in this world.. because right now thats exactly the way I feel..

I like girls.. I would Like to find a girl and be there for her and her there for me.. There is a girl I like that lives in this town.. She is fun and she talks to me once in a while.. she use to talk to me more than lately.. I doubt she knows who she is but chances are she will read this.. If she cared at all.. Might even respond... Who knows.. She will read this part and probably be sick of me or something or just think im trying to hard.. who knows what goes threw girls minds.. But I want to know if she would like to hang out sometime..? mabey.. if you know who you are.. PLZ send me a note.. I could use someone to talk to..

"And thus I go back to my corner to rot..."

Well looks like im goin back to the regular ol me.. Depression Here I come... If your expecting me to post here.. Or if you dont give a rats ass like most of you.. Then I guess youll eather be sad to hear this or happy to hear this.. because i wont be posting for a while again.. Me and day are now broken up.. and all because she is not "ready" for a relationship.. I think she is still hung over her ex even tho he was a complete ass whole to her.. I really Love her.. but I dont think she feels the same way as I do.. in face she told me "NO" as to REALLY LOVING me.. :\ I dont know what to do.. Everytime I try to have a real relationship it always finds some way to go down the drain to hell..

Oooh if your wondering about the title.. She was supposed to be comming up labor day weekend to spend time with me and her friend that lives out here.. And looks like her friend will be more happy now because she gets to spend all the time with her.. and to think.. I had a very romantic very relaxing weekend for her to look forard to.. Anyone interested in a Massage outside under the stars surrounded by candle light? If so to bad because that ship has sailed..

I was also supposed to fly out there to go to her home comming.. guess that aint happening eather.. If you know me in real life.. Plz dont hesitate to come up to me and give me a hug.. because I could use one right about now..

As stated before.. Depression here I come..

I still love her and I want to be with her... Should I give her time to heal? What should I do? im so confused and lonely... All I want is someone to be there for me.. with me.. to hold in my arms.. Looks like Im just not ment to have someone in my life.. At least I got my dog that listens to me.. and is there for me.. Mans best friend... My only friend.. Only one I can talk to and love and it wouldent leave me..

If you want me ill be in my dark lil corner crying..